Living for me

Hey guys! I know it's been awhile since I've checked in, but things are going pretty okay with me. Friday is my birthday and I will be 35...wow! I can't even think back to a year where I actually enjoyed my birthday. I have been on social media and everyone seems to be having fun and enjoying themselves for their day, and I am starting to feel anxiety. I'm all in my head! Am I fun? Do I remember how to be fun? Will anyone come to help me celebrate? Those thoughts shouldn't be consuming me right now. I am dreading turning 35 because I feel like my life is not on track. I'm doing better than before financially since I've learned how to save lol. Still there is something missing.

I have spent years being someone that he wanted me to be that I think I have lost myself. I should't be so consumed with thoughts of knowing how to let loose and have fun...should I? I mean 35 isn't THAT old, is it? I've noticed that becoming a mom and also trying to please a significant other can make you become...boring!! These last few months have been very eye opening for me. I have been slacking on my posts, but you guys I am really in a good space. I mean I do have my moments where I let my past interfere with my present, but all in all, pretty good space. I have started going back to the gym and I'm slowly getting my motivation back. I'm still doing this mommy thing and I think I'm kicking ass at this single mom thing lol.

It's time for me to start living!! I care too much about what people think about me. I'm always in my head and scared to take chances. Who wants to live in fear? Is living in fear even living at all? I have a hard time just letting my hair down and being... ME!! It always brings me back to the question, who am I? I have sooo many insecurities that it's hindering me from doing things that I would probably enjoy. So for my 35th birthday, I am going to make the decision to LIVE!! No more worrying about what people think, no more getting in my head, no more holding my tongue. It's time that the Tameka that I used to know and love comes back to the forefront. Yes, she is flawed and will make mistakes along the way, but she is ME! She will take her life back, she's more mature and wiser, but she is making a comeback. This is the beginning of new chapter for me. Tackling my goals I have set, becoming an even better mom, going for that job opportunity, getting back in school, bossing up!

So here's to me, the REAL me! She's making her long awaited debut and I couldn't be more excited for what the future holds.