Am I afraid of what I deserve?

So the other day, I was talking to a close friend of mine and we were kind of venting about our struggles. We have similar struggles and that makes it easy to get things out, knowing that person understands. Well she had made a statement that she is scared to reach her full potential because it may mean leaving her mate behind. Being single is a very scary thing for some, me being one of them so I totally understood her stance. However, she is one of the strongest women I know and that is so unfair that she feels the need to settle in order to make someone else content. I too have been in that situation, afraid to shine in fear of outgrowing the person I’m with! 

So I shared a situation that I went through with her and now I’m sharing it with you. So, I had this guy that I really liked, but I'm so used to having to help a man better himself that I didn't feel like I deserved a man who was already established. I didn't know how to act around him. It started making me think that I'll only be able to settle for guys who need help building. Ones who will eventually leave me or treat me disrespectful because I'm scared of having a MAN who will lead me and us to greatness! A man who will push me to my greatest potential. A man who says “ baby I got it...u chill”! A man who treats me like a queen and not their mother, child or servant! 

I realized that the thought of having someone love me for who I am and not what I can do for them was scary! As women, we feel that we need to play the background and let our mate shine. I no longer want that! I don’t want to continue to dim my shine so my man can. I want us both to shine bright and be “relationship goals”. You can't limit yourself for fear of outgrowing ur mate because u will grow to resent him and the relationship. Trust in God and your relationship and know that you bettering yourself is for you.  If it’s meant to be than it should inspire him to do better as well! If not than do u really want to be with someone who lacks motivation, drive, and ambition? We aren't kids anymore and sometimes we have to put on our big girl panties and make the hard decisions. Knowing your worth is so important because we can only live our lives for us and no one else! 

Going through all that I am right now has been very challenging! However, it has made me realize that I am stronger than I thought I was. I can overcome the obstacles that I am facing. I am now working and more involved in my kids life than usual because I have no time for depression! My kids need me and more importantly, I need them. So no more dimming my light for others to shine! If you can’t stand beside me and embrace my growth and awesomeness then I don’t want you. I want a man that is willing to put on shades so that my shine doesn’t blind him while cheering me on! If you can’t do that, I will leave you standing in the dark because it’s time to live this life God has planned for me!

Life gets deep and sometimes it's hard to roll with the punches because they hurt like hell! However, we have to keep pushing because there is light at the end of the tunnel we just have to keep running. So I am running and running because I had a late start, but I know the light will peak from the end of the tunnel as long as I keep going. I am running towards my goals, running to regain my self worth, running to free me of all doubt that I WILL get what I deserve!! Settling for less is a thing of the past. So here’s to new opportunities and willingness to live my best life with no regrets! Guess it’s time to invest in some good running shoes!! 😊